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Member Since: 7/8/2003

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Saturday, October 09, 2004

Currently Playing: Tamia
- Smile

"sometimes i sit at home and wonder how it'd be if he had liked me.. yeh truley liked me..i learned awhile ago that kind of thing never happens for me.. and so i go around and just pretend loving life for me.. i play the circus clown around my friends make them laugh and they won't see.. u should never let them see you sweat.. don't want them to think the pain runs deep.. lord knows it's killin me. so i put on my make up. put a smile on my face..and if anyone asks me.. everything's okay. i'm laughing cause no one knows the joke is on me.. cause i'm dying inside with my pride.. and a smile on my face.."

okay so things should be whatever to me right? why am i even trippin.. this is so fuckin retarded it's makin me so madd.. everybody was already tellin me.. but noo i payed more attention to him cause i believed him.. but now look where i'm at. jeeezzz. =T they all tell me to move on cause if he's gonna be like that then why should i even like him.. and i know they're right.. wth do you think i've been trying to do this whole time? that's why i don't talk to him no more.. it's the only way i can get over him.. and though i know i should.. i don't want to. and i do wanna talk to him.. even if we are just gonna be friends.. but everytime i do.. i like him even more .. so now i don't know what to do.. i can't stop talking to him.. but i know i shouldn't.. FUUCKK i'm so frustrated.. i already have enough on my mind.. family.. school.. practices.. church..  DAMN JEN GET OVER ITTT!! just fuck it.. i can do better....  =[ right

"it's not an easy thing..
sometimes it's hard to face the truth..
it's not the life i would choose..
but what can i do?"


Thursday, October 07, 2004

ugh. a lot has been going through my mind lately and i've been fuckin up a lot. especially at school.. well everybody knows what it is but ughh i denno. i've been trying hella hard for it not to get to me and just.. fuck it and leave it be. but damn it just... sucks. he thinks i was mad at him or well still am.. but i'm not! ... well at first of course i was cause wtf who wouldn't be. but then it was just whatever the hell afterwards.. then i just stopped talking to him. and i guess that's what made him think i hated him or what not. but the only reason why i stopped talking to him was because that's the only way i can get over him.. SERIOUSLY. cause damn everybody knew how stuck i wad on him.. arghh.. and when i talk to himm oh mann =D.. i just  i can't be mad or sad or not happy. lol it's just.. such a great feeling lol. but yehh i denno... it's just.. WHATEVER now.. right? i guess i just need to get over the whole thing.. even if i dont want to.. mmfff. but anyways.. i've been cutting class a lot  lately.. and i think i'm doing hella bad in my classes right now. today i went to first and second.. then for third i went into some person's class and just stayed there for the period with ryan washington.. chow.. and jay.. then ricci picked chao and me up.. then we went to sunvalley mall.. met up with chelle, chris ahtye, bobby, jerome, josh, kiki, lawrence, and gina. walked around.. bought a rocawear shirt and a pin that says i heart shoes =]. afterwards ric .. chow and me went to the tapioca shop in hercules and i ended up buying them both drinks.. but i didn't mind.. we stayed there for quite awhile.. then after that ric brought jerome kiki chow and me back to school. when i got to school i hellllllaa had to go pee! damn i don't think i ever had to go pee so bad in my whole life! i swear i was gonna cry! specially cayse people kept fuckin with me tryna make me go pee. how are the bathrooms at school not gonna be open?? argh.. but yehh then steve brought me bobby kyle and dustin to the gasoline station and i ended up going pee at jack in the box. ;].  after that steve dropped us off at the clock tower then i just helped our class with our float. we didn't have cheerleading practice today.. which is a good thing.. but we do gotta game tomorrow in alemeda, ENCINAL.. sorry don't know how to spell it. but yehh. i think all of the cheerleaders are suppose to go to chevy's tonight for our fundraiser thing.. but i denno i'm hella tired right now so i think ima take a nap first.

THE END ;]


Sunday, September 26, 2004

i know love is something that you can't go out & buy
when yer looking it always seems like it's the wrong time
But I hope one day I'll give away this heart of mine

jeez. I haven't blogged here for a couple of months now. ehh. well life's been alright i guess. Love Life; hmm.. Family Life; alright.. School life; hard. Cheerleading Life; DARKENING. yep. well anyways.

Friday;September 24, 2004

ehh. today i didn't go to first second third nor fourth period. Chelle Oliver & me got picked up by Byron, then he took us to his house, and we just chillt there for awhile. We watched people singing on tv?. ate some muffins, and GAMBLED ;]. Michelle got brought back to school for third period because she had to take a test. & during that time Oliver and i just watched Monster's Inc. Byron came back home hella years later. then oliver fell asleep. i went to see Byron's room, then Oliver came upstairs and we were just sittin on his bed. then i saw a piece of paper just laying on the ground, so i picked it up.. and when i opened it!... it was porn egghh.. lol i hella screamed and oliver was like "DANG B!" lol dorks. well after awhile, RIC came by and we just.. lol did nothing at Byron's house but sit down. and talk i guess. the guys tried reading my planner! yiikess not good. but! i took it away before they read the important stuff ;]. Ric brought me back to school after we left Byron's house, then i stayed there for lunch and fifth period. Sixth period Rayna & I walked to the football field to wait for my dad to pick us up, then we picked up Chelle at the clock tower. My dad took us to Michael's because Geo's Mom was gonna take us on a "Sophomore" shopping spree for our float. She was helllaa nice. after everything got totaled she spent about 100 dollars on us. after michael's, my dad brought us back to the school for float building. then we mest with our float a little bit, mm after that Steve O, Rayna, Bobby, Chelle, & me went to Garret's house. Hekka people came, then Steve and them left to go pick up Geo. So i stayed there with the guys. lol i showed them my feet! haha dorks. after Garret's house, we all went to Ryan's house, then i played with his little sister. Matt Canovas & Johnny Tran. pulled up out of nowhere with Jackeey & Knina. jeez. it was nice seeing matt again. after Ryan's house, we all went to the "Vitoria by the Beach" place. and just chillt there for a couple minutes. Matt, Atai, and Johnny got high, bad people. then Steve and them left again to go pick up geo's girlfriend and to get the perk. so i stayed ..again.. got into an argument with dumbass ryan cause he spit on me. ugh retard. after the "beach", we all went to Jack in the Box, then we all went to the Dynamite Factory. I think it's hela scary over there! mm. after awhile Ric Josh and, someone else came down there too, then it started getting boring, so we all left, then we all just went to Amy's house and stayed there for like fifteen minutes. After that Steve brought me & rayna home. then we did our things and went to bed.

Saturday;September 25, 2004
hmm. Rayna slept over the house last night. Chelle woke me and rayna up, agh hella late, we were supposed to wake up at 800, but we ended up waking up around 930 woops. well then we took showers and got ready, then we picked up Chelle and went to the mall. mm. Chelle & i bought our Jordan 4's. they're pretty ;]. mm. after that we bought cookies then went home. Picked up my sister, then picked up jeff at auntie myra's house. afterwards we picked up oscar at his house in rodeo. then ate breakfast at burger king. after we ate breakfast we left to go to work in san jose. when we got to san jose we just chilled for awhile before our shift started. my dad's friend brought us three to our lot where we were supposed to work and there was noo bussiiness whatsoever, so lol we layed out our flags and vests under the palm tree and stayed there for like an hour ina half, talking on the phone, fucking with our cameras, lol playing with rayna's ball, talking, and just messing around. then people started coming around like 530, then we worked til around 900. haha we all met new friends. after work we all ate at PHO in san jose, then we went back home and dropped everyone off. When we got home we got ready for bed and everything, lol then i made michelle a myspace. afterwards rayna went to bed, then chelle and i wrote in our planners, GAMBLED, lol then went to bed.

Sunday;September 26, 2004
Chelle & Rayna slept over last night. rayna and i woke up around.. 830, then rayna left at like 840. i went on the computer. finished fixing my xanga, then chelle woke up hella later on. we went downstairs and ate egos and toaster struddles, then we got ready to go to work.
after we got ready, we went to get gas at the shell gas station near in n out in pinole, then chelle bought me ice cream with the money she owed me from gambling last night ;]. after the gasoline station we headed off to oakland. hella crazy! there was heeellaaa traffic! jeezz. the raider fans were helllaaa roudy! yiikes. we took the side streets and on the way to the colliseum i saw two prostitutes! WOW. i took a picture of one of them. i've never seen one before! so lol it was a great experience ;]. well yeahh while we were working lol chelle and i met new friends again. it was crazy. the whole time we were working, we were gambling! lol there was a point where chelle was down 50 dollars, but she got down to thirty. haha retard. after work we went to mc.donald's then we went into the colliseum and watched the game for awhile. then we dropped off chelle at home. and afterwards we went home. the end  =]



Brought to you by Steve
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